Hey girl on 22 August 2008
, 4:16 AMThis is what I wanted to avoid all the time.
From the start of the year up till now, I can say that it was a wee-bit successful.
It came down to two things.
As a student who wants to do better, my studies were at stake.
And as a boy, there's always this feeling to want to know this girl better but somehow I'm falling short here.
So firstly, I have never had the confidence.
I always had the mindset that studies came first.
Which puts anything else behind, at least until the O Level's are over.
Secondly, I didn't want to lose both studies and relationships.
I don't know why it just feels like this.
Maybe I didn't do that right.
Maybe I didn't do enough.
It's maybe again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS GUESSING?!
Why was I put down.
But maybe I wasn't.
Harsh reality kicks in.
What more can I do to say sorry?
Surely, I mustn't assume that you didn't mean so.
Should I clarify?
Or no?
There is a Chinese paper this morning and I don't feel confident already.
Speaking of confidence, I see hope.
When I failed Chinese O's, this girl put the confidence back in me.
Now it's all weird and I think I'm going back down.
I didn't want this to happen.
Right now, I have nothing.
Nothing.
Neither of both.
This time, I'm not okay.
For real.
Or maybe this is all just my imagination.
One thing is for sure, that I was wrong.
I am wrong!
I promise to clear everything up after O Level's.
Unless I feel a strong urge to do so before the examinations.
I don't want both sides to be affected before the exams.
Life is so tough.
All the decisions.
Relationships aren't easy and we know that.
But what keeps one alive?
Right now, I miss her very much.
But I've gotta do Chinese before everything else.
And hey, it mightn't be as bad as I think it is.
Why.
Labels: confidence, emotions, girl, I miss you, relationships
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Rafael, 18
SR Junior College